She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
