Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
