ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
