haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
