That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize