Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
