a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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