He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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