I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Say something about gay babies.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
