Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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