My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I intend to get homeless drunk
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize