M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize