I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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