I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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