The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
