jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So much rum. So many feels.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
