Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
