Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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