This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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