I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
