i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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