areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize