We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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