I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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