Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize