i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
