we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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