Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize