OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
