Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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