Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
