yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
