do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
