weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
