he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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