I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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