you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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