Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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