Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
