I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
