apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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