Don't you send me to vm
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
