Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
