Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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