Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
