is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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