so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
