I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He passed out mid-signature
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
