id be glad to
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
