nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
