sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
