They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
