I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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