My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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