this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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