he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
