i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
