the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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