if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
