I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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