Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize