i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
