maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
