Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize