Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
