They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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