i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You made out with two different species that night
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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