I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize