Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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