The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
