Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
