Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
