It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize