My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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