So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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