I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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