my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
