You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
